Autobiography

I could feel my body began to succumb to the pain. I felt my body go through the pain right into the numbness. My throat was on fire from the screaming I was doing earlier. My eyes where blurred by the tears that where still storming down my face. I felt a sharp pain coming from my lower abdomen.The pain was excruciating and all I wanted to down was scream in agony but my throat and my mind where not in the same place. So I sat there as the calm darkness welcomed me tired body.


My eyes fluttered open because I felt a touch of heat hit my eyelids. I opened my eyes slowly checking my surroundings. They soon popped open because I was not in the same place as I was once before no. I was in the middle of white nothingness. All there was was a warm light and whiteness. I looked down to see that my body had on a beautiful night gown and I was bare foot. Also my body felt like it was completely calm no trace of pain or tiredness. My body was revamped. I scanned the place for any sign of life but there was nothing. I sunk down into the spot I once laid on and cried another set of tears....


****

"What do you mean she's been missing for a couple of days", I half screamed.

Her body jumped out my kind of rough tone. I took a few short breathes and put my body at ease. I decided to approach her in a more nicer tone.

" Look uh...." Lee'Lee", she answered. " Well look Lee'Lee you have to tell me any information or the where a bouts that On- I mean Nicki might be", I stated.

She thought a quick second before she spoke. " Nobody in our little group , the streets, or her associates have seen her, not even mama Carol", she said above a whisper.

I slide my hands over my hand of frustrations setting in on my mind.

I just saw her a couple days ago... I kissed her a couple of days. She was fine and full of life. Maybe I shouldn't of left her maybe this is all my fault. I swear if she's  dead..I don't what'll do..
Somethings not adding up here....




"Umm sir...HELLO.... Yo yellow boy what is your named", she screamed trying to get my attention.

I shook my head of my thoughts and stuck out my hand , " My bad ma, my name is Drake."

She shook. I stared right in her eyes to see her realizations of who I really am started to show. Her eyes damn near bugged out. " You're you- ".

" Yeah I know I'm his son but we gotta cut this talking shit short we gotta go so go get yo stuff " , I ordered.

She nodded her head and flew upstairs just to come running back down in less than 5 minutes flat.

" You ready?", I asked.

" Yeah but how do we know where to look for her", she questioned me.

" I think I might have an idea".


****

I sat there as I poured my soul on to the  beautiful white floor. ' Am I dead ? Is this place you come to after your body is no longer with the leaving?'

" No ", a beautiful angelic child like voice answering my inner thoughts.


"Who-Whose there", I stuttered.


" Did you already forget about me mommy ? ", the voice asked me coming into view of me.


My air got caught into my throat as a beautiful child who looked like to be 3 or 4 years old approached me. The face I stared at look like my own. His beautiful hair was like mine also his faint dimples where like mine. His father's features also showed from his hazel eyes and little ears. His skin tone was from the both of us. 


I felt a soft touch like a feather caress the side of my face. " Mommy don't cry can't you see that I'm right here", he said . 


I grabbed his tiny hand to see if he was real and he was. I picked him up in the quickness and cradle his smile body against mines. 


"You don't how long I've wanted to actually do that ", I sobbed out. 


" Since the day you decided to give me to God", he stated. 


I closed my eyes as the flash back of me in the hospital clutching my stomach after I go the abortion. I felt so empty so useless. I cried for weeks maybe even months. Everyday on it's birthday I would buy a cake celebrating it' could've been birthday.


Tears began to flow out of my face. I don't see how I could be crying so much. 


" I soo--sorryyy baby mommy didn't mean to let you die I wanted you to be here with my right if I could turn-".


He put his hand up to stop my apologizes. 


" God had another plan for you and me mommy. He wanted me to come home mommy. He knew that you he was doing with you and I . He has chosen another path for the both of us. " he spoke.


" But baby boy mommy's you so much why would God want to talk you away from me", I questioned. 


" Please mommy don't question God he has his reason he knew what he was doing he has chosen another path for your life but you have to be willing to live up to the sacrifices. "


" So are like my guardian angle or.."


" No I am not am your life line back to sanity and also to God. I am the person you look to when you are at your lowest and in you darkest I am you beacon of hope ".


My eyes grew big. 


" Mommy you have to stop what your doing because if you don't I will not be here to save you like I use to and neither will your guardian angel".


"What do yo mean you won't be here... Are you saying you'll leave me", my voice cracked.


" Let's just say once you are gone I'm gone as well".


I breathed in trying to soak up this new info I just received. Then my mind went back to my guardian angel.


" So I have a guardian angel right", I asked.


He nodded. 


" Well will they help me through this process or new mission in my life?".


" Yes only if let them you can't keep your guard up forever mommy".


" Well mommy I have to go our father is calling me back home to him".


I shook my head and hugged him tighter, " I don't want you to leave me in this place by myself".


" Mommy you are not dead your in between the world of the living and the dead".


" So am I going to live".


" I don't I don't have all the answer only God knows", his voice began to get low in tone.


His began to disappear until he was no more


But he didn't leave with out saying 'I love you mommy always and forever'.

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I'll be posting the next chapter soon until next time- Milli